By Christine Caprilozzi
VOTE 2016: Horror’s Most Electable Characters
While the vast majority of horror characters fans know and love just would not be electable to the general public due to some “minor” past indiscretions, there are a few who may grab that mainstream vote. Given the current choices and honestly, depressing circus-like election season, I have come up with some plausible candidates for our 2016 Presidential Election.
5. Captain Spaulding -House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil’s Rejects
What’s the matter don’t ya like clowns? So you say Captain Spaulding has a colorful past? Yeah, so do a lot of politicians. Here is a man who tells it like it is, which apparently is what many Americans like. He is also a very successful businessman. Those who come for his fried chicken never leave unhappy. As a matter of fact, some of them never leave at all. However, there is something about Spaulding this is uniquely charismatic. This along with his leadership skills make him a possible candidate.
4. Carol Peletier – The Walking Dead
Ah, Carol. Not only does she make great cookies and is a strong woman, but she is intensely protective of her people and will got to extraordinary lengths to protect them. By extraordinary lengths, I mean she will cut you! Besides the fact she may have some controversy with the CDC on how she would handle any virus outbreak, if she chooses Daryl Dixon as her running mate, she is a shoe in. Carol/Daryl 2016!
3. Patrick Bateman – American Psycho
Patrick Bateman, well groomed, educated, successful businessman, and just a little bit crazy. However, Patrick has this incredible talent for hiding his madness. He really is an example of what many real life politicians are. Can you picture a convention where he is nominated and Huey Lewis and the News is playing in the background? I sure can.
2. Ripley – Alien, Aliens
Ripley is the ultimate female role model. Incredibly smart to outwit evil forces, as well as physically strong to kick their asses. This along with the fact she has dealt with large corrupt corporate suits put her high up on this list. Ripley seriously does not care if she is called crazy, if she has to shave her head, or if she has to go out and face a monster with halitosis an inch from her face. She has impeccable credentials and can stand up to anyone or anything.
1.Ash Williams – Evil Dead, Army of Darkness, Ash vs The Evil Dead
Ash Williams has come a long way over the years. Even as young Ashley Williams in that cabin in the woods he did whatever necessary to survive. As a matter of fact, Ash has some of the greatest and most resourceful survival skills we have seen. He will cut off his hand and attach a chainsaw if he needs to. Even more important is Ash’s likability rating. He does have a way with the ladies, but also with his gunslinger-like sarcasm, it’s very hard NOT to like him. This man would be the perfect person to take on the DC Press Corps, who follow the President around to report on his every breathe of the day. Bringing to the table his charm and by any means necessary attitude, I get a sense Ash would protect the country and look out for the other 99%. With Pablo as his solid sidekick, he would definitely make America groovy again!
Have any write in ballots you care to add? #MakeAmericaGroovyAgain