The Eternal Debate: Lincoln Battles the Undead

Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombies takes on Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

by: Sean McLaughlin

Ever since the Civil War ended, and an unfortunate event at Ford’s Theatre occurred shortly thereafter, the myth of our 16th president, Abraham Lincoln, has grown to unparalleled heights.  “Honest Abe” rose from humble beginnings, issued the Emancipation Proclamation, and held our country together during its most turbulent time.  However, few know about the supernatural side of the man…..the story of Lincoln battling paranormal forces keeping the citizenry safe from the evils of the dark side.  Few know about it because…..well, it’s a bunch of shenanigans.  But lucky for us, 2012 saw two films attempt to portray the Abraham Lincoln that we horror nuts would’ve LOVED to hear about.  He kicked butt against BOTH forms of the undead, and managed to get the girl (and the presidency!) in the process.  So….which movie was better?  Each had its own strengths and weaknesses, and each provided the viewer with a glimpse of a tough-as-nails leader we all wish today’s politicians would emulate.  Even though both films’ backstories are as fabricated as the awesome rumor about Lincoln inventing the first social-networking site in back 1845, we’ve created a quick chart to end the eternal debate:  Was Abraham Lincoln a better zombie slayer or vampire hunter? 

Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies
Pros       Â	Cons
Minimal backstory, means more time to kick massive amounts of undead butt!  Â	How was the zombie virus not around during the Revolutionary Era?  Imagine George Washington chopping off heads with his sword?
A future president as a kid, helping Lincoln in his zombie-killing mission (no spoilers!)  Â	So the sitting President of the United States, during the Civil War, is running around the woods risking his life?  Who’s running the country?  Â
A unique spin on the hero’s last days, including the truth behind his assassination (a twist that would make M. Night Shyamalan blush)	As far as special effects and realism…this ain’t no episode of The Walking Dead.

 

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Pros       Â	Cons
Fantastic fight scenes, and ghoulish vampire that don’t “sparkle” (thanks, Twilight)Â	When does he grow the beard?  WHEN DOES HE GROW THE BEARD????
Much more time spent on the entire life of Lincoln, allowing us to see the development of his kick-ass slaying style	BLADE, anyone?  A bit too derivative.
THE AXE!!!!  Where would Abe be without his awesome axe???  The vamps find out first-hand!                Â	While Lincoln’s ultimate demise is alluded to, there’s no awesome tie-in to the film as a whole

So all things considered, the diplomatic answer is that it’s a tie…..Abraham Lincoln was as good a vampire hunter as he was a zombie slayer.  But I’m no diplomat, so to me  Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies wins.  Why?  It’s simple…..everyone knows that in the world of the undead, zombies are better than vampires.  And while we can still see an Oscar-worthy portrayal of Lincoln currently in theatres by master thespian Daniel Day-Lewis, the less-popular and more sinister side of Honest Abe is a much more fascinating tale.  And now……discuss.