Movie Characters you want by your side during the Zombie Apocalypse

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by: Larry Dwyer

Okay kids, I’ve been thinking for a while about putting this list together and since the mid-season finale of “The Walking Dead” is upon us, I figured now is a good time to have this discussion: what movie characters would you want by your side if a zombie apocalypse were to occur? Some may say, “Well, you need someone like Jason Voorhees! He’s a killing machine!” I say nay! You need to be smart about who you choose as your partner during these trying times. Mr. Voorhees would not discriminate between you and a zombie…he would kill you just as quickly. Besides, he’s kind of a zombie himself, isn’t he? So we need smart choices…people who would help us, not get us killed or kill us themselves.

So, without further ado, here is my list in no particular order:

The Terminator (The Terminator 2) – You noticed I clarified it by saying we need the one from part 2, right? You can’t have that psychotic machine going around with no respect for HUMAN life. The best part is that since he’s not human himself, zombies obviously can’t hurt him. All in all, he may be your best bet.

 

John McClane (Die Hard) – The king of surviving, and prevailing, in impossible situations. Lieutenant McClane would not only provide excellent protection for you but would also provide some witty one-liners to lighten up the mood. Yip-ee-Ki-Yay, motherfucker.

 

John Rambo (First Blood/Rambo) – A Green Beret and all around badass. Johnny Rambo is as tough as they come, handy with any weapon and trained to survive in any surrounding: a fine partner to have in any tough situation.

 

Daryl Dixon (The Walking Dead) – Alright, The Walking Dead is not a movie but this is my list so I’m going a little rogue here. Having watched the show, how can you not include him? He shoots himself with an arrow, Andrea shoots him in the head and he still keeps on ticking. Daryl Dixon is definitely the baddest motor scooter of their particular zombie apocalypse.

 

Max Rockatansky (Mad Max) – We’ve learned from The Walking Dead that a cop can do a pretty good job in the zombie apocalypse (see: Rick Grimes). Max is something of a futuristic cop with family issues (as in, someone killed his) who does a good job at kicking some ass and getting through some heavy shit. Mad Max is A-OK in my book.

 

Lee (Enter the Dragon) – We’re talking about Bruce Lee here folks. The man could probably survive the zombie apocalypse on his own…without weapons. Let’s face it; his character in “Enter the Dragon” is pretty much just Bruce himself so trust me on this one, he’d be a hell of an asset.

 

Walter Sobchak (The Big Lebowski) – Hear me out on this one. While Walter may not seem like the kind of guy you need by your side but here are the facts: he’s a gun-toting Vietnam vet, he’s fiercely loyal to his friends and he’s all action when it comes down to a fight. You will have to find out if he’s okay with killing zombies on Shabbos though.

 

John Shaft (Shaft) – “They say this cat Shaft is a bad mother…SHUT YOUR MOUTH!” Damn right Shaft is a bad mother…and he can have my back in a zombie apocalypse any time.

 

Maximus Decimus Meridius (Gladiator) – “Are you not entertained?!?” An army general who possesses swordsmanship that would make Michonne envious and a non-stop desire to kill anyone who has wronged him or those he loves; let’s hope some zombies wrong him.

 

The Bride (Kill Bill) – Sadly, the only female to make the list, but what a female she is. With or without her Hattori Hanzo sword, The Bride would be a certified killing machine in a zombie apocalypse.

 

Blade (Blade) – Yes, I know…he’s a vampire killer. Really? You think he couldn’t kill zombies too? Blade would carve the shit out of some zombies and would certainly save your bacon numerous times.

 

Jay and Silent Bob (Clerks, etc.) – While they did manage to kick some demon ass in “Dogma”, I’m not quite sure that they would be the best bet in a zombie apocalypse, BUT they would definitely provide some much needed comic relief and, most importantly, I’m quite sure that I could outrun at least one of them if the need arises.

 

Well, that’s it. What do you guys think? Agree? Disagree? Did I miss anyone? Let’s hear it!