Dear God No! review

“Dear God No!” is a 2011 exploitation movie written and directed by James Bickert. This is Bickert’s first film since “Dumpster Baby” eleven years ago and let me tell you, this was worth the wait. You’re not going to get Oscar-worthy acting or an amazing script here but let’s face it, you’re not looking for that; you’re looking for pure insanity and this flick delivers it…in glorious abundance.

 

The movie starts off with a biker gang called the Impalers who wake up in a field surrounded by a few dead, partially naked (and fully raped) nuns. These guys are a group of bad-ass Georgian bikers who live to party, rape and kill. They have no ties to anyone and that’s the way they like it. Jett (the leader of the gang, awesomely played by Jett Bryant) says it best: “We ain’t got no roots and that’s the way we like it, man. We’re free, free to bang life in the ass. We’re the future.”

 

The long-haired bunch crack open a few cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon and partake in some assorted drugs before being sure to run over one of the nuns on their way out to the road. Next, they’re off to a bar where some topless go-go dancers in Richard Nixon masks are tearing up the stage and the rowdy Impalers start a fight causing the Nixon dancers to whip out the automatic weaponry and engage in some poorly executed (but deliciously fun) gunplay. The gang then goes the home-invasion route and holes up in a house where a scientist, his odd daughter and a married couple are discussing some rather disturbing things about “mutations” in the woods outside of their cabin. Trust me; things get even nuttier and more disturbing after that.

 

Do you know what “Dear God No!” reminds me of? Absolutely nothing because it’s pretty much as original a movie as you’ll ever see. The sheer amount of lunacy thrown at you is a part of its brilliant charm. Mr. Bickert hits you with some raunchy bikers, raped and murdered nuns, gun-toting strippers, raped pregnant women, a Nazi scientist and Bigfoot. Yes, the film involves a fucking Sasquatch. While it’s true that you may have to be a special kind of sicko to enjoy a film like this, I don’t think there’s a horror fan out there who wouldn’t at least chuckle at some of the craziness that goes on here; even if that chuckle is of the uncomfortable variety.

 

So please do yourself a favor and check out this blasphemous little piece of film. I can’t wait to see what James Brickert can come up with next and I hope it involves my favorite new character, Jett, who had my favorite line of the movie: “It’s almost dark, I’m sober and I haven’t gotten to kill anyone today.”

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Larry Dwyer
Larry Dwyer has been writing for Horror News Network since 2012. Catch up with him on Twitter at @LarryDwyer and read his in-depth bio on our About Us page.

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